[Islamik NLP JPHBT: Parenting]: Kebergantungan Anak Pada Allah SWT

[Islamik NLP JPHBT: Parenting]: Kebergantungan Anak Pada Allah SWT

Work from home

Sebagai surirumah yang bersuamikan biasa-biasa, pasti tersemat impian untuk menjana pendapatan sendiri. Selain tak mahu membebankan suami, pendapatan yang diperolehi bolehlah digunakan buat simpanan, kegunaan kecemasan ataupun disumbangkan kepada individu yang memerlukan seperti ibu bapa, adik-adik etc.

Mhni juga mempunyai impian seperti itu. Tidak tergamak rasa hati, bila balik kampung, nak mintak duit abang untuk bagi kat mak Mhni sendiri. Sungguhpun, sebagai ibu, mak memang tak minta kerana sangat memahami keadaan Mhni yang masih belum bekerja, tapi jauh di sudut hati Mhni, setelah sekian lamanya mak menampung segala perbelanjaan Mhni dari kecik, sekolah, belajar kat UiTM sampai ijazah, in fact dah kawen ni pun, mak memang tak lokek nak belanja untuk anak-anaknya.

Mhni ada kemahiran menjahit baju kurung perempuan. Kekangan yang Mhni hadapi ialah ketiadaan mesin jahit. Sebelum ni Mhni mempunyai mesin jahit yang dibeli menggunakan biasiswa Mhni masa belajar dulu, tapi mesin jahitnya tak lasak, tak boleh nak jahit kain yang tebal, dan kain sensitif. So, Mhni pun letak kat kampung mesin jahit tu. Mesin jahit tu banyak juga berjasa pada Mhni, dah banyak baju-baju tempahan kawan Mhni yang Mhni jahit.

Antara alternatif yang Mhni nampak, setara dengan minat Mhni yang mendalam terhadap jahitan, ialah jahitan manik crumble dan shimmering flora. Kosnya hanya manik-manik pelbagai bentuk dan benang je. Senang kan? Kalau menjahit baju, kena hantar jahit tepi kat kedai, nak beli butang, kun, span macam-macam lagilah. In fact, kadar upah yang dikenakan, kalau lengan saja RM30 - RM40, kalau lengan dan leher boleh cecah RM70-RM80 sehelai baju. Kalau baju kurung biasa kadar upah yang dikenakan RM30 sepasang. Menarik kan...?

Apa yang diperlukan hanyalah kemahiran dan kreativiti. Untuk memperolehi kemahiran dan kreativiti kena ada ilmu dulu. Ada banyak kursus-kursus menjahit manik crumble dan shimmering flora yang ada berdekatan dengan tempat kita. Bab ni yang Mhni termimpi-mimpi sejak dua menjak ni.. Mhni nak gi kursus menjahit manik, tapi takde siapa nak jaga Aliff. Abang kerja..kalau cuti pun, dia nak habiskan masa rehat dia dengan mikat burung dari jaga anak..huhuuuu..

Hanya pada Allah Mhni berserah, pada Allah Mhni mohon pertolongan..

PicMonkey

Picnik dah menutup operasi. So, antara alternatif yang ada PicMonkey. Mhni rasa PicMonkey ni lebih banyak aplikasi editing yang menarik dan user friendly. Mhni masih lagi proses explore PicMonkey ni. Ini gambar yang dah diedit. Si budak bulat, Aliff!! Hahaha

The SECRET Life of the DIFFICULT Infant

Why highly negatively emotional infants are special--and different--from others?

Published on June 9, 2008 by Jay Belsky, Ph.D. in A Family Affair

If you have ever had a "difficult" baby, you certainly would know it. Let me add, though, that I know there are some parents who think they have such a child, but in my book actually do not. I say this because on more than one occasion I have had parents share with me how challenging their baby was to care for, yet when I was in their home, sometimes for hours, all I ever heard was what would qualify as whimpering, certainly not howling, to say nothing of the fact that the child seemed eminently consolable when some care and attention was provided. At these times I have been somewhat astonished, because if you REALLY have a difficult baby, you know the difference between what the parents in question are talking about and what a real difficult infant is like. Indeed, nothing brings this point home so much as when someone who, the first time around, thought they had a difficult baby actually encounters one upon the arrival and rearing of a second child.ottom o

Difficult babies are difficult because they cry a lot, cry loudly, are hard to soothe, have trouble falling asleep and remaining asleep, as well as problems going back to sleep once they awaken (in the middle of the night!); they often have problems waking up, too, transitioning to a state of alertness from one of sleepiness. But despite the difficulty the infant obviously has managing or regulating, even with the care and support of others, her very young psychological, behavioral and physiological systems, the terminology of "difficult" was not coined to capture the baby's experience. Rather, it was created to reflect what the parent of such a child deals with day in and day out, night in and night out and so on and so forth, sometime seemingly interminably. And I know what I am talking about here because my first son, now 28, was an indisputably card-carrying member of the difficult-baby club. Thankfully, the same was not true of son #2.

I always say two things about having a difficult baby given my extended encounter with this kind of child. First, despite how impossible he was, I was glad that we got him rather than someone else. This was because my (then) wife and I knew something about children and were really committed to being parents. So I regarded it as somewhat of a blessing for all involved that whoever decides these things passed this one on to us rather than to someone who knew less about children to begin with or who, for whatever reason, might have proven to be less devoted parents.

The second thing I always say about having a difficult baby, especially as a developmental psychologist who knows a good deal about the causes and consequences of child maltreatment, is that I am surprised there is not more child abuse! And this is because son #1 on more than one occasion made me FEEL like throwing him across the room or out the door, hitting him, slapping him, doing something--ANYTHING!--to make him STOP what he was doing and CHANGE! Fortunately, I was able to manage these feelings (and reflect upon them) so that they never directly manifested themselves in my handling of him. But I certainly understood how someone in a much less advantaged position than myself could, in the face of these feelings of frustration and helplessness, act on them. This, by the way, is not meant to excuse child abuse or even accept it, but just explain how something that at times seems so unfathomable can occur.

THE SECRET

But my point in this blog is not to share with you my own childrearing experiences. Indeed, nothing that I say from here on is even informed by my personal life, as it derives directly from research I and others have carried out (on children who are not our own). What I want to share is what can be regarded, I think, as the unappreciated and perhaps only recently recognized SECRET of difficult infants whose defining characteristic is frequent and intense and even long lasting bouts of negative emotionality--crying, whining, flailing and the like.

So what is the secret? It is that, however difficult these little ones can be, however predisposed they seem to be toward being negatively emotional as infants, toddlers and even perhaps young children, they also seem to be the children who are most influenced by the nature and quality of parenting-or child care-they experience. That is, these children are extraordinarily malleable or plastic, being affected--for better AND for worse--by the care they encounter while growing up. Thus, they thrive and do wonderfully when cared for well, but also are the children most troubled when the care they receive is poor, meaning insensitive, harsh, unresponsive, neglectful and/or inconsistent. Other children with less difficult, challenging or negatively-emotional temperaments seem much less affected by many of the developmental experiences--in and out of the family--that most of us presume ahpe the well being of all children. The less malleable appear to be born a certain way and more or less stay that way, almost irrespective of what happens to them.

SOME EVIDENCE

Evidence to support the claims I have just made seems to be growing day by day (see http://www.blackwell-synergy.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1467-8721.200...). One recent study shows that when infants who proved difficult and highly negative across their first six months of life are cared for in a warm, sensitively responsive manner by their mothers during their opening years of life, they show the least behavior problems and greatest social skill of all children as first graders. Just the opposite happens, though, with children with similar temperamental proclivities who experience insensitive care; they manifest the most problems and least social competence early in their school careers. But just as interesting and important is the fact that these noteworthy effects of mothering are far less pronounced, if evident at all, in the case of children who as infants are much less difficult (http://www.blackwell-synergy.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1469-7610.200...).

More evidence documenting the heightened susceptibility of negatively-emotional infants and toddlers to the rearing they experience comes from research on fathering and how it affects what looks like honesty and dishonesty at a very young age. In this work which investigated whether 38-month olds followed the rules of a simple game when they thought no one was watching, it was found that harsh, power-assertive discipline experienced at age 15 months predicted cheating in a game two years later, whereas more sensitive and supportive approaches to discipline fostered the most rule-governed behavior. Of critical importance, though, is the fact this apparent influence of fathering on child development held only for children who manifested high levels of fear and thus negative emotion at age 15 months; children who showed little fear at this young age were virtually unaffected by the quality of fathering they received (http://psycnet.apa.org/index.cfm?fa=buy.optionToBuy&id=2006-23020...).

CONCLUSION

For a long time, difficult babies have gotten a bad rap. And one reason for this is because when children start showing up in clinics at age 3, 4, 5 or 6, with parents complaining that the child is out of control, one of the first questions asked is "how long has the child been like this?" And, almost without exception, the answer is, "ever since he was born!" So, from this perspective of "looking back" to see where a child's present difficulties--at age 3, 4, 5 or 6--come from, it is easy to see why many conclude that problems controlling emotions and behavior at this still young age are inborn and a result of genetics.

But guess who never shows up at the clinic and who are thus never considered when it comes time to draw these "looking back" conclusions about the origins or causes of many emotional and behavioral disturbances in development? The many other so-called difficult babies! That is, the ones who, because of skilled parenting and/or high-quality child care or some other environmental source of support, have developed the capacity to regulate and manage their emotions and, thereby, control their behavior and thus develop the many competencies they now possess. Recall, in this regard, the previously mentioned first graders who started life with difficult temperaments, encountered warm, sensitive, responsive mothering and grew up to be the least troubled and most socially competent children.

This kind of development does not take place overnight, but for those who struggle--and a struggle it is--with the challenge of coping with a highly negative infant, the payoff can be substantial. Doing one's best to manage one's own temper, frustration and exhaustion, so as to provide care that is loving, responsive, warm and, when the time comes during the toddler and preschool years, demanding, consistent and firm, without being hostile or rejecting, often yields a child who is the farthest thing possible from the difficult baby who ends up in the child or family therapist's office.

Aliff mirip siapa?

Kehadiran Aliff dalam hidup Mhni memang menambah seri, kegembiraan, menguji kesabaran, meningkatkan keinsafan dan semuanyalah..

Aliff mirip siapa? Persoalan tu memang jadi tanda tanya semua orang yang mengenali Mhni dan suami. Mhni tengok Aliff je Mhni tau dia mirip Mhni, ada sikit mirip adik-adik Mhni, senang kata mirip Mhni adik beradik lah. Bukan sebab perasan, huhuuu, sebagai anak sulung, Mhni tengok adik-adik Mhni dari kecik, sebab tu Mhni cam muka Aliff. Mak Mhni pun cakap Aliff muka lebih kurang kami semua adik beradik masa kecik. Tak percaya? Jom kita buktikan.

Mhni masa baby, ada rupa Aliff kan? We share the same eyes and lips.



Yang ini, Fara masa baby. Fara dengan Mhni, tembam dan semangat lagi Fara. Hehehe.. Yang ni bentuk muka dah sama macam Aliff, sekarang ni je Aliff susut sikit, almaklum dah aktif main.

Ni adik-adik lelaki Mhni. Adik bongsu Mhni yang paling banyak menyerupai Aliff. Mungkin Mhni banyak spend masa dengan adik-adik sebelum bersalin, tu yang muka Aliff ada kombinasi diorang semua.

Yang ini gambar selingan ;p Kami berdua memang suka pakai baju sama corak, sama warna dari kecik sampailah dah besar sekarang ni, in fact Mhni dah kawen pun tetap suka baju boria dengan Fara. Sehati sejiwa lah katakan :)

First attempt

Mhni memang tak pernah drive kereta dengan Aliff. Aliff ni kalau duduk dalam baby car seat melalak-lalak tak nak.

Kali ni, memang terpaksa bawak Aliff sebab nak hantar borang permohonan kerja. Baru sampai Taman Connaught, Aliff dah menangis-nangis bagai. Mhni singgah bengkel abang hantar Aliff untuk tolong jagakan sekejap. Kesimpulannya, "Say NO to Baby Car Seat". Huhuhuuu..

Aliff sebelum memulakan perjalanan.

On the way balik rumah, Aliff tidur lepas bf sebelum ibu drive.

Aliff terjaga tidur, dah puas menangis, main bantal sendiri.

Aliff 6 bulan

Alhamdulillah Aliff dah 6 bulan. Sebelum ni Aliff mula makan masa umur 4 bulan, Mhni bagi biskut masa dinner je. Bila masuk 5 bulan, Mhni bagi Aliff makan biskut untuk sarapan, nestum untuk lunch dengan dinner.

Masuk 6 bulan ni, Mhni barulah buatkan bubur nasi untuk Aliff. Mula-mula cuba masak nasi dengan lobak merah segenggam. Mula-mula Aliff refuse jugak, tapi hari kedua dia dah boleh terima. Try la buat bubur nasi dengan kentang, beras 2 genggam, tahan 2 hari je. Mhni cuba buat bubur nasi + kentang + epal, memang Aliff makan, tapi Mhni perasan Aliff tak serasi dengan kentang, perut asyik kembung, penghadaman pun tak lancar.

Mhni decided tak nak bagi Aliff kentang lagi, so, resepi baru plak, bubur nasi + carrot + epal + mangga. Sedap :) Mhni rasa sikit, mesti Aliff suka. Lepas bagi makan resepi baru ni, memang betul Aliff suka. Kalau sebelum ni bekas dadih kecik tu, 1 bekas sekali makan, resepi baru ni, 1 bekas setengah baru kenyang. Kadang-kadang tu tak kira masa Mhni bagi Aliff makan, especially bila Aliff asyik menyusu je tapi tak nak tidur (kira menyusu marathon lah tu).

Sekarang ni pulak, bubur Aliff Mhni letak 1 cawan beras. Penuh periuk kecik Mhni masak, boleh tahan 3 hari. Aliff pun makan bertambah dah, sekali makan 2 bekas dadih yang kecik. Abang siap membebel dengan Aliff tak bagi makan banyak, kolestrol kata abang, hahaha.. Yang sebenarnya abang tak larat nak dukung Aliff. Mhni pun tak larat jugak sebenarnya.

Dah besar ni, Aliff dah menyelar ke depan ke belakang, habis keliling rumah dia round. So, kitorang pun beli walker untuk memudahkan kerja. Kalau tak, basuh pinggan sekeping pun asyik dok toleh belakang. Walker pulak masa beli tak perasan roda tak cukup... Dah jadi walker OKU dah ;p Masa blog ni ditulis, roda walker Aliff dah pecah, so, walker transformed jadi kerusi dan meja makan Aliff je lah. Sungguhpun tak ada roda, Aliff boleh gerak sana sini jugak. Dah besar katakan..

Mula-mula naik walker teruja

Tak sampai 5 minit nangis pulak..

Rinduuu menulis di blog sendiri

Rinduuuuuuuu sangaaaaaaaaaattttt kat Mahani's Journey.

Alhamdulillah, dah ada kemudahan laptop dan broadband kat rumah, bolehlah menulis sepanjang hari (kalau sempat ;p ) selalunya time rehat kat tempat kerja baru boleh menulis.

Ada banyak benda nak kongsi, ada banyak gambar nak upload.. Hmm..Nak mula dari mana ni?

Aliff dah nak masuk 6 bulan. Semakin bulat, semakin berat (hukhuk..) Khamis lepas masa anniversary wedding Mhni, 5hb April, Mhni bawak Aliff checkup. Berat Aliff dah 7.7kg, tinggi pulak naik 3cm dari bulan lepas.. Pergh.. Mak Mhni cakap, nanti macam adik Mhni, nak cari seluar dengan kasut susah, takde saiz..

Sebut pasal berat, masa bercuti di Kuching, antara kenangan yang paling tak boleh lupa pasal dukung Aliff sambil berlari naik bukit. Mhni dengan mak-mak (mak Mhni dan mak mertua, oleh kerana kedua-dua mak ni panggil 'mak', so kalau dua-dua mak ada, Mhni panggil mak Mhni 'Mak Sal', mak mertua 'Mak Izah') nak cuba makan kat seberang sungai, Petrajaya. Aliff tidur, so abang suruh makan dulu dengan mak, abang jaga Aliff. Tengah tunggu makanan sampai, abang call cakap Aliff bangun menangis-nangis. Puas dah pujuk, bagi susu semua dia tak nak. Mhni suruh abang bawak Aliff pergi ke kedai makan kat seberang sungai.

Tunggu punya tunggu, cuaca yang panas terik tiba-tiba bertukar mendung. Lauk baru sampai kat meja, abang pulak tak nampak pun naik bot (kalau dari seberang sungai tu boleh nampak hotel kami, dekat je sebenarnya). Mhni makan cepat-cepat, bila nampak abang dah keluar hotel, langit dah gelap. Mhni terus habiskan makan, tunggu abang kat jeti sambut dia dengan Aliff, Mhni nak balik hotel sebelum hujan sebab abang tak pakaikan Aliff topi dengan tak bawak payung (dari seberang dah nampak dah).

Kitorang pun tukar ambil anak, Mhni dengan mak-mak terus naik bot. Bot pun tak tunggu lama, terus seberang sungai. Turun dari bot je, berlari Mhni naik jeti sebab dah mula renyai-renyai. Lepas tu, apa lagi, berlari Mhni lintas jalan dengan naik bukit nak ke hotel, hujan pulak makin lebat. Aliff pun macam faham, takdelah dia toleh sana sini. Masuk je kat tangga lobi hotel terus hujan lebat, Alhamdulillah selamat sampai...

Mhni dengan mak-mak transit dulu kat lobi hotel melepas lelah. Rasa nak tercabut jantung lari sambil dukung Aliff. Agak-agak Mhni berat Aliff anggaran 7.5kg ada. Naik bukit pulak tu, fuhh, kurus mak nyah ;p

Bila dah lega sikit, kitorang pun naik bilik, Mhni duduk bilik mak dulu, rehat (bilik kami bersebelahan je). Dah rehat-rehat tu, nak balik bilik semula, diorang tengah kemas bilik, so Mhni patah balik ke bilik mak. Hujan lebat sangat sampai air masuk dari tingkap. Mak Sal selak langsir dengan ketepikan barang-barang tak nak kena air. Lepas tu bilik mak pulak diorang kemas. Masuk je bilik, habis beg-beg kain Mhni kena air, apalagi kelam kabut Mhni dengan Mak Sal alihkan beg, Mak Izah tolong pegang Aliff. Dah siap alihkan beg, kononnya nak pinjam mop cleaner tu, terus dia cakap bilik banjir, tanya Mhni nak pindah bilik ke tak. Kitorang pun setuju lah.

Macam Charlie Chaplin kitorang pindah barang ke bilik berhadapan. Kelam kabut rasanya, almaklum duduk seminggu kat Kuching, dengan baju bersidai-sidai, lampin Aliff yang bersusun kat meja tepi, siap ada tempat untuk aksesori makanan Aliff semua. Bilik kitorang dah macam tongkang pecah dah.. Penat berlari tak hilang lagi, dah ke hulu ke hilir angkut barang. Abang takde pulak tu nak tolong.. Alhamdulillah, pihak hotel bagi assistant tolong kitorang pindah barang. Huhuuu

Inilah beg-beg yang kena pindah (tapi yang ini dah siap dikemas). Bawah baby carrier tu pun ada beg lagi tuh.. Huhuhu

Bilik yang pindah ni pulak tak bertingkap, terkepung. Mujurlah dah tinggal dua hari lagi. Kalau tak, tak bernafas rasa :) Kalau boleh dirakam pengalaman ni, mesti Mhni burn dalam CD, simpan untuk Aliff tengok dah besar nanti.. hik hik hik.. Manisnya pengalaman ni hanya dikongsi dengan mak-mak je. Abang pun tak tengok ketangkasan isteri dia ni tau.. Yelah, time ni abang stranded kat kedai makan seberang sungai nun.